Looking Back to Go Forward

I struggle to stay in the present moment. I always have. But especially now,  when data and news and media feel tweaked to yank me into untold futures where fear is the baseline emotion, I find myself daily out of the present moment, most of the time. Not good. Heart beat accelerates, breathing becomes shallow, and as a result, I am less able to access common sense and logic. The hook so effectively employed through media and data and technology asks the question: What if? What if this happens, or that happens, and will YOU be ready? I am constantly caught up in a state of imaginary scenarios where I am in reaction to possible outcomes as opposed to living in my present reality which is a very good one.  I am not talking about being prepared for what comes next, which can be quite useful in many circumstances. No, my reaction to the barrage of What If scenarios is only about being scared I will not be ready, not know how, not be smart enough, or get it done, or be safe. And as a parent, wife, daughter, sister, friend, those fears are multiplied and applied to everyone I love and care for. It can be mad busy in my head! The What If boogey monster.

So I am bucking the trend and trying to break the cycle, by looking back in time. Quite simply, I am whittling down the sea of endless possibilities into a cup the size of my hand. Something I can grasp: I was loved as a child, I will always be able to give love. I was sheltered, I will know how to create shelter. I was educated, I will have the tools to make educated decisions. I struggled, I will know how to face struggles. I was hurt, I will know how to cope with hurt. I made mistakes, I learned form those mistakes. I have forgiven and been forgiven, I will know how to do it again. I have needed help, I will know how to ask for it again.

So to move forward into this life, into my life, into this future which feels quite burdened and fraught, I will try harder to look back at that which has served me well, and know I possess the infrastructure to answer the What If questions  with confidence and presence. Fingers crossed! ( I learned that one when I was 10). I bet the 2020Thinking community can look back for the wisdom it needs to move into the future.